Sugar and Spice...

So, Jacob is in school right now and Im trying to keep my mind from thinking about all the different things that can go wrong today (isnt that terrible?!) so I figured I would blog about, well, my Rainbow Baby who happens to be a little GIRL! We found out on Tuesday last week that we are going to have a daughter. I am very excited to have a little pink in my life and that my husband is going to have a little daddy's girl! I like to think that my angel Nolan had something to do with picking out our Rainbow Baby, so good job Bubbas! I hope that she will be as precious and beautiful as you are; as you will always be.

I have never really been a "pink" girl myself but oh my goodness I couldnt wait to get my hands on some sort of little, miniature sized PINK item! I have a feeling my house is going to look like Pepto Bismol threw up in it pretty soon.

I thought starting Kindergarten was supposed to be an exciting time?

Ohemgee. What a NIGHTMARE. I am one frustrated mom. My little guy is having a heck of a time transitioning into Kindergarten and it's so stressful. Lets just say I feel like I have a better relationship with the principal than I do the teacher. I mean, is this Stanford or Kindergarten? Im becoming confused. I know Kindergarten is not what it used to be, and honestly, I find that very unfortunate. I went to Kindergarten when it was about play and nap time and I think I turned out just fine!

Not to mention, Jacob falls into the, "late Summer (almost Fall), boy" category and for some reason that automatically means to redshirt, meaning to do two years of preschool. Well, you know what? Im not going to that. But here's the problem. So many parents redshirt that when my child comes along who is starting when he is SUPPOSED TO, he is already behind the bell curve simply because he is younger. The maturity level of an almost 5 year old can not be and should not be compared to the maturity level of an almost 6 year old but unfortunately it is. I would think that given the amount of child development courses these teachers had in college that it's something that would be known and practiced but from what I have seen so far it seems to be ignored (yes, I was a Liberal Studies major and I know a thing or two about this stuff).

He can count to 30 and spell his name but can he sit in a structured environment and listen for 5 hours? Umm, show me a 4, almost 5 year old who can and I will spend money on your parenting philosophy! Hell, I cant even do that and Im, well, older than 5.

Im not going to make excuses for my child, does he need to listen? Of course he does and he better but at the same time I am going to stand up for him and be his advocate. It is my job as a parent to not only correct improper behavior but to be in his "corner" as well. Children need guidance, love and support.

Well, enough about that. Lets end with a traditional "First Day of Kindergarten" photo, shall we?

Final Days of Summer

Jacob has a thing for water. He's obsessed. Some kids are into dinosaurs, my kid is into, WATER. When Grammy comes over to garden (my thumb is far from green) he LOVES to help. And by helping I mean getting completely soaked from head to toe. What can I say? That's how he rolls. Soak it up Jacob, summer days are coming to a close. Until next year that is!

What is a Rainbow Baby?

I see this asked a lot, especially on birth/baby forums because the term "Rainbow Baby" is used a lot on them. I dont know who wrote this. I found it on the internet and I just absolutely adore it. No other words explain it more perfectly than these words right here.

Rainbow babies: In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as "Rainbow Babies." The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, hope and love.

Life After Death

Wow. I almost forgot I had a blog. Well, I did forget that I had a blog to be honest. My last post was December 22, 2008!

I completely cleaned everything out. Im not sure if that's considered "cheating" or not but I am in SUCH a different place in my life now; the old blog did not represent me anymore AT ALL.

Im sure what little follwers I had before are gone now but that's OK. Im sure I'll manage to wrangle in a few new ones.

The last year and a half has been both wonderful and tragic.

Early 2009 I got a job and my family moved into an adorable little house in a fantastic neighborhood. One month later we found out we were expecting our 2nd baby. Busy and excited barely sum up 2009; it was a wonderful year. We ended it with the birth of our beautiful baby boy, Nolan. My older son, Jacob had a brother and our family was complete. Life was good. Life was darn near perfect.

Then 2010 came and sent my world into a tailspin.

February 8th was the worst day of my life. My husband and I woke up to every parents worst nightmare. After all best efforts were made we became a family minus one that day. It became the first day of my new life. My life as a bereaved mother. It's not a club you want to join. It's not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

It has been one horrible journey but I have slowly started to pick up the pieces. I find doing things such as my photography and writing bearable again. Even healing. I must say the most healing thing for me though was getting pregnant with my Rainbow Baby. Getting pregnant again showed me a light that I thought was gone forever.

Im hoping that, maybe this blog will reach other bereaved parents and can be a source of understanding, comfort and encouragement for them. Journaling has been such a wonderful outlet for me while I have been on this bumpy ride. And since my love for photography crept back into my life I figured hey, why not combine the two and start up that old blog again?

So, here I am.